I was young and still pretty new to a particular church when I encountered a small group leader talking inappropriately about a certain category of people. I had no idea how to respond; apparently others didn't, either. There are times when my first reaction is an over-reaction, but this did not seem to be one of those times. And even if it were, a rapidly-growing relational barrier between us became quickly apparent to me, and that also needed to be addressed. I had to confront the issue.
But how? I knew the command to initiate reconciliation and I knew the Bible's teachings about members of the body helping each other to grow together in Christlikeness, but had no idea how to actually do any of that. Thankfully, with a bit of coaching, accompanied by motivation from knowing I'd be held accountable for following through with the conversation, I talked with the one by whom I'd been offended, and it went very well. Difficult, yes, but absolutely worth it. Many years later, our relationship is strong.
That was a defining experience in my life. It was probably the first time I'd really entered a difficult conversation to seek reconciliation and lovingly correct another person. I don't think I'd ever even seen that kind of conversation. The experienced helped me to realize how incredibly vital it is that we be both willing and able to respond well at such times.
I read a book last year entitled
Fierce Conversations. The word "fierce" does not imply being mean or threatening, but bold and powerful. Fierce Conversations are ones in which we show up completely and well, openly and honestly participating with others to tackle often-difficult challenges in ways that enrich and strengthen our relationships. And I am convinced that the Church needs what is in this book. We need to be genuine, challenging, and respectful as we encounter both speed bumps and mountains in life and ministry, and as we work together to accomplish our God-given mission.
So... care group leaders, Sunday School teachers, parents, grandparents, employers, employees, pastors, teachers, and anyone else who interacts regularly with imperfect people -- if you haven't read it, I'd encourage you to do so.
And if you have, I'd love to hear what you're thinking!
Labels: church, intentional, relationships, resource
